Friday, August 24, 2012

State Fair food

I live 3 blocks from the State Fair and I LOVE the fair!
I love the energy, the activity, the people, the fireworks, the concerts - and all that is what I love while I'm OUTSIDE the fair.

When I go inside, it becomes a din of families, fun, and FOOD. 

You'd think a SMART compulsive eater would stay AWAY from a place that appears to be so much about the food.  But I disagree.
I think going to a place LIKE a State Fair is a great way to show other compulsive overeaters that NOTHING has to be all about food.  If you cannot go to a place like the fair and enjoy all the OTHER things of the fair, than more work needs to be done in your program. 

Yes, I eat at the fair.  I usually go for one full day and therefore eat all three meals and a snack there, then we'll go another evening to listen to a concert and have a cocktail.  I usually eat supper on that night.
It is possible to eat at the fair and not OVER eat.

What do I do?
1.  I plan my food.  It doesn't have to be set in unbreakable stone, but if I go in with no plan, I lose track of how much and how often I'm eating.  I plan my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then have a limited amount of options for my "snack".  That way I feel I have choices, but it's not a free-for-all.
2.  I plan my activities.  There are SO MANY things to see and do at the fair.  I look at the daily schedule and find 3 or 4 (or 8) things I want to do.  When attending an activity, you usually have to get there early if you want a seat, so we sometimes end on trucking from one end to the other just to see the show we have planned.  Which leads me to my next action plan.
3.  I think of the fairgrounds as an exercise gym.  I plan our activities on opposite sides of the fair.  That way I'm not stuck in the slllloooowww moving herds that are just aimlessly wandering about wondering what to eat next because there is no plan.  That doesn't mean I'm on the run the entire time.  I love to wander around the corner where there are dog shows and "freebies" and huge 30 mic karaoke sessions.  I wander around the barns in the opposite corner, but most of the time I end up sitting and waiting while my partner while she pets every single animal in the barns.  That is usually my rest time and it's also the time I get in my people watching.
4.  And finally, I always research the "new foods" ahead of time.  Most of the time they are on my "do not eat" list.  This year there is bacon ice cream , poutine (french fries), scones, chocolate p.butter fudge puppies, cannolies, and red velvet funnel cake - all things I do not eat.  But, there are others I can eat like lamb on a stick, walleye (in a roll which I won't eat), Great Balls of fire (sausage on a stick), Hibiscus Iced Tea, and Ragin Ankles (which I assume to be like a rib??).  Researching stops me from wanting to read every single menu as I walk by to see what I might be missing.

So there you have it - that is how I survive the State Fair.  I've been abstinent for 14 years and have lived next to the state fair for 8. 
I'm not suggesting a person new to OA or someone fighting to stay abstinent go to their State Fair.  I'm just saying that if/when you are at the place where you are living the program or strong in your abstinence, it is FUN to go to these "food fests" while maintaining your abstinence and having a BLAST!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Birthday desserts

Today is my birthday...I am 41.

I belong to email lists of some of my favorite restaurants because you can get some good deals.
However, what is with the "free dessert" on your birthday?  Why is it always dessert? 
Why can't we get a free app, or a free drink?  Why always some huge, carby, sweet, made-for-four dessert?

I have been offered FIVE so far (it's only 4pm), and have only accepted one.  The only reason I took that one is it was little donut things, and I ate 2 and gave away the other 6.  I turned down the big cookie brownie ice cream "that feeds four" treat, and the three other "any dessert on the menu" birthday treats offered via email.

But I absolutely remember the days when I would collect each and every one of those free desserts.  I would go to a restaurant, and because it was my birthday I would splurge and get an app, a cocktail, a full meal, then eat and entire dessert.  And I would do this every night for my birthday week!  Thinking about it now, I can remember how bloated and miserable I felt - but it was MY day (week), so I had to make it special ("special" always meant something with food).

I am grateful that I do not have to live that way anymore, I am grateful I do not have to eat myself into dessert oblivion JUST because it's my birthday.  I choose to celebrate the day without having to suffer a food hangover tomorrow.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Pain to relieve pain??

I have a lot of physical issues.  However, at this stage, I do NOT let it stop me, so please don't think this is a post of me just whining...

This month I'm dealing with a pain in my foot I've had for four months.  It's in the arch and it's causing me to have leg cramps first thing in the morning.  Horrible.  So I went in and got some meds.  While I was there I told the Dr that my hip pain was coming back (I've had hip pain for 20yrs and get a cortisone shot to keep it at bay) but I wasn't ready for a shot yet, then joked I'd probably be back in a week for a shot.
Stupid me.

I called exactly one week later and needed the shot...badly.
A cortisone shot in the hip is a very painful thing.  VERY VERY painful.  There is usually screaming or sobbing or swearing, or all three during the shot - I just cannot help it.  BUT, as soon as the shot is done, there is usually relief.  So I'll gladly take a short amount of pain to relieve longer term pain.

My question to God (if I were to have the opportunity to ask) is was I made with some "errors" to give me character, or are all these hip/back/pelvic/food/etc etc etc pains from being 320lbs?  Or, is it just a lovely combination of both (yuck).

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Drama-free bubbles!

My old self - prior to working my OA program - would be GIDDY right now. 

My work is FULL of drama right now. 
I am part of a three person team.  I am the lowest rung.  And the two other people on my team are fighting.  They are only communicating through email.  They walk by and ignore each other.  They just are acting very childish!

And both of them are trying to drag me into the fight "on their side".   They come into my office and talk about the other one.  They ask me to "pass on" information.  They tell me it's my "job requirement" to share info. 

But I have built a drama-free bubble around me.  I ask them not to discuss the issue with me.  I tell them I am uncomfortable with the conversation.  I tell them to go talk to the other person because I do NOT want to be involved.

THAT is me working my program.  That is my new self doing what needs to be done to keep myself serene, happy, and actually sleeping through the night.  I am exhausted at night as my drama-free bubble takes a lot of energy to hold up, but have no regrets as I am not gossiping, I am not "creating" drama, and I am not involved in their dispute.

Do you stay out of the drama, or do you come with a big spoon and stir it up?

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Easter eating

This weekend is Easter.
I am a firm believer in God, but I am not a believer in "organized religion" or "church".  Therefore Easter for me is a time for family get-togethers, and those usually means FOOD!!!

I am going to my in laws this weekend as they hold their family reunion at Easter-time every year.  My mother in law is hosting, so we have to go and serve.

I prefer when she hosts.  She always does a white linen lunch.  We even have to get out a measuring stick and measure the distance of the plate rim to the edge of the table.  We have to shine all the silver and wipe down all the crystal.  It's work. 
But that work removes me from just sitting and eating.  It's not about the food when she hosts, it's about catering.  About making sure others have what they need.  It's about impressing.  It's about a LOT of things, but not about the food.  And that is just fine with me.

We all receive a basket during this reunion event.  It will be full of chocolate and Easter treats which I do not eat.  Nor do I have the desire (thank you God!).  So I'll bring all that stuff to work and put in the lunchroom for anyone else to eat. 

I am so grateful that I do not have the desire to eat compulsively, that I don't have to fight urges or have conversations (or arguments) in my head.  I am so grateful for the Overeaters Anonymous program and for my comfortable abstinence.

Many blessings to you all this Easter!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

One? Just one??

I stepped on the scale for my month-end weigh in today. 

I know, it's not the end of the month, but I was starting to have crazy thoughts about starving myself today to get a better number tomorrow.

Nuh-uh.  Nope.  Not gonna do it!  I'm not letting those crazy thoughts win.

So instead I hopped on the scale today.  And voila!  One pound down!

I know.  You're thinking..."one pound in the entire month, whoop-di-doo"?

But I am HAPPY about it!
Why you ask??

I am abstinent which means I do not eat the foods that make me crazy anymore (not in 13 years).   However, I still do NOT naturally make good choices.  I have to work at it.
So I have a food sponsor that I report my food to everyday.  And that food sponsor has been a great guide to me in that it makes me look at my foodplan through someone else's eyes.  She doesn't judge my foodplan or try to direct my eating.  What she does is make me think about how my foods will look on paper KNOWING someone is actually looking at them.  And for me, it WORKS!

So, the fact that this is the second month in a row that I have not GAINED WEIGHT, and that now, total, I have lost six pounds by doing nothing more than thinking about how my food looks on paper before I put it into my mouth...I am giddy!!


Friday, March 23, 2012

Guilt? Or rest?

We've had beautiful weather lately, and usually March is a hibernation month.
When I say beautiful, I mean 70-80 degrees with bright sun!  VERY unusual for this part of the country.

So what's the problem??
I have guilt because I feel like I should be outside enjoying the weather.  Walking, biking, yard work, etc.
However, my body is not ready yet - it wants to hibernate.

So I fight guilt, and I "should" myself.
You SHOULD be outside.
You SHOULD be starting some plants for the garden.
You SHOULD be walking around the lake

And shoulding is NOT a healthy activity.

I remind myself, these will not be the only sunny days.  Although the weather says it's time, the ground is not ready for yard work.  And if I want to hibernate for a while longer, the world will continue to spin.

Reversal of self-talk.   Replacing "should" with "could", and allowing myself to have options, with all of them being acceptable. 

How about you?  Do you have to fight self-talk?

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Giving up or facing the truth

Last summer I had gained 20lbs and none of my summer shirts fit.  My weight is still up there.
I bought 3 shirts and wore them (and a few older items I could stretch out) all summer long.

I. Was. Miserable.

I was not willing to face the fact that I had gained weight and I was feeling financial poor, so I suffered all summer and refused to buy clothes.

Well ta'heck with that!

I went shopping last night.  I got a pair of capri's, a pair of jeans, and 10 shirts!!!  TEN!!   And I'm ordering another 6 tonight!

I'm a big-boned person and even at my thinnest, I still barely fit into an XL because I have massive shoulders.  So, of course, now I do not fit into them at all! 
So I had to shop plus sizes..which is why I refused to buy last year.

But it was so freeing!!  And by that I mean it felt good to have things fit (or be too big).  To feel like I have clothes to wear again.  To feel like I'm not a great big blob of a human being and that all my clothes just accentuate that blubbery fact.
And yes, I did have all those feelings almost every day last year.

So, here it is.  I wear a 1X.  I look good in a 1X. It fits my shoulders and you cannot see all my back bra lines and "bumps" surrounding them (I hate that on me-ick). 

This weekend I'm cleaning out my closets and drawers.  I'm going to pack away all the clothes that do not fit me...and if by NEXT summer they still do not fit, I will not even open the containers, I will just give them away. 
I am done torturing myself with a closet full of clothes that don't fit (or I'm even afraid to try on).  It is not worth it...but I am!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Boy how time flies!

I cannot believe I missed an entire month of posting?
Well, let me rephrase that.  I CAN believe it, but I'm not happy about it.

I have recovered from my friends passing...boy was that difficult.  I was really depressed and eating out of control!
BUT, once I recovered and the sadness lifted, my eating mostly righted itself...mostly.
Oh, that and I got a food sponsor.

What is a food sponsor you ask?
In my Overeaters Anonymous, my 12 step eating program, we sometimes have food sponsors.
I have a spreadsheet where I document what I ate, approximately when, how I felt about it, then I document any exercise, any program work, and and worries/thoughts I have at the end of the day.  And before I send todays food, I plan tomorrows.
It's fantastic!

And, since I started I have lost 5 lbs and KEPT it off!  THAT is HUGE for me!!

I find that because I had to admit everything I eat, I am more conscious of my fruits and vegetables, and how often I go out to eat, and what choices I'm making when I DO go out to eat.  Those are HUGE differences to my more lax eating habits!!

It's only been a month, and I told her I'd do it "for today" so we'll see how it progresses, but "for today", I'm am grateful for my food sponsor.

Monday, January 16, 2012


I am sitting at work today, and get a call that a very good friend of mine suddenly passed away last night.
Talk about a shock!

And what is the first thing my addict mind does once the tears dry a little?  Think about what type and amount of food will soothe my aching heart.
Talk about a second shock!

I have a plan meals have been precooked and are just waiting for me to warm and eat.  And it's food I LIKE and look forward to eating!
And eating random fast and easy and greasy food will not make me feel better or bring her back.

Stick to the plan Amy, that's why you make a plan.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sunday - the day of prep

Today is Sunday.
This is the day I plan my food for the week, make my grocery list, shop, then cook.
This week I'll have my usual breakfast at 7:30am which is two Johnsonville turkey sausages with spicy mustard rolled up in a flatout wrap and broiled to toasty, and 2 hard boiled eggs.
I'll have a snack around 10:30, which will be an orange.
For lunch around 12:30 I'm having Atkins Chili Blanco with sour cream and cheese, and three celery stalks on the side. 
Iced espresso with 1/2 -1/2 around 2pm.
For supper, around 5:30, I'll have a shake which is 3oz strawberries, 3oz ricotta cheese, whey protein worth 30g of protein, and crystal light for flavor and ice for thickening.

Total counts are:
Pro:  128
Ecc:  45
Fat:  96
Cal:  1600

Gotta go shopping and cook now.
Hope you all have a good day!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Free is sometimes more costly than paying...

We got very tired and lazy last night, so we ordered Chinese food.  My partner calls it "heaping, steaming, cheap Chinese chow". 
So I was ordering her regular items, but knew I would be ordering low carb for me so I ordered beef and broccoli.  But before I realized it, I ordered my cream cheese wontons!  I didn't even realize it until I hung up the phone.  But did I call and cancel the item?  No.
And...the worst thing of all?  We'd met some limit and so they included free egg rolls.   Darn it!

So, I ate wontons and egg rolls for supper, and to end my meal I had about 1/3 of my beef and broccoli.  I am almost incapable of letting go FREE food.

I had planned a burger and salad because we were going out to a bar. 
We were so tired from our vacation, and we haven't been to a grocery store for about two weeks because of our trip.  And we were too tired to go to the bar or any restaurant.
Free....not so freeing.

But I'm going to remedy the "no food in the house issue"!  I'm going to the store first thing tomorrow morning!

Weight:  229
Pro:  97
Ecc:  70
Fat:  105
Cal:  1657

My counts are very off, and most had to be estimated.
I don't normally eat Clif bars, but I was in a hurry and no access to anything without bread, so my carbs are very high, and my protein/cals are low.
Meals were as such:
Breakfast, 2/3 an order of beef and broccoli, no rice
snack:  clif bar
Late lunch:  tuna melt (tuna salad on fried cheese)
Supper:  tuna salad, wine

I don't normally eat tuna twice, I don't normally eat clif bars, I don't normally need a snack because my meal will be so it's an abnormal day.  I'll be back on schedule tomorrow.  Planning, preparing, things I need will be on hand.  I hate this "figure itout on the go" crap.

Hope your day went smoother!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Moving smoothly

I go to the gym about 5 days a week, but I don't workout.
I have been having knee/hip/back pain for the last two years and FINALLY I found a therapist who is sticking with me to guide me toward pain-free.
I have a crooked pelvis.  Or should I say, something caused me to tilt my pelvis and I liked it so I kept doing it, and now to hold my pelvis straight is very hard.  The muscles used to hold my pelvis straight, are very very weak.
So I've gotten multiple cortisone shots for knees and hips, and my last incident, which was sciatic, put me in bed for three days unable to get myself up and down.  OUCH.
But I've been going to physical therapy now since August, and I can really tell the difference.

But, when I tried to do some cardio, it hurt.  I asked my therapist about it and she said I wasn't ready yet, give it more time.
So...I go to the gym most day, and I do my physical therapy. 
Its good to be in a routine of going to the gym, and I look forward to when I can do a workout (be it resistance or cardio).

OH, and good news, the scale did drop, I lost my vacation-weight, YAY!

Weight: 226.5
Pro: 138
Ecc: 31
Fat: 134
Cal: 1994

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Travel weight

Yep, I got it...the blasted 5lb travel weight.

It seems just the act of traveling causes me to retain water and/or gain weight.
It usually falls off quickly, but how annoying.  At least it's never a surprise...

The main factors to the travel weight gain in my opinion...too much sitting, too many purchased foods with hidden carbs/calories, and not enough sleep.
I HOPE the 5lbs are gone by the weekend, but, since it's out of my control anyway, I will just keep on eating/acting my routine of planning my meals, eating on plan, and going to the gym as much as possible.

I think I'll talk about my gym-time in my next post.

Have a great day!!

Weight: 230.5
Pro: 138
Ecc: 31
Fat: 134
Cal: 1994

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Ice fishing

I have been off line the last couple days because I went ice fishing.
We caught about 15 fish a day, but could only keep walleye under 17". 
So we had a big fish fry while we were there, and then brought home 3 big walleye and a 14" crappie. 
We invited the neighbors over and fried up the fresh fish was great fun.
If you've never had a walleye, you're missing out...but make sure it's fresh.  And yes, it absolutely makes a difference in taste.

I will be back on track with my posting tomorrow, but I have to get some sleep tonight.  The fish only bit at night, from 10pm to 4:30 am, so I am a bit sleep deprived.

Hope you are all well!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

First of the year

I'm an accountant-type and we are in the middle of an audit.
It's exhausting. 
A company comes in for a couple days and bombards you with questions and asking to see info and pull files and show them things.
Then when they leave, it's a disaster to clean up.

And that's why I didn't post Thursday.  I left for work at 6:30am, worked 11hrs, then went for a drink with a coworker and walked back in the house at 10:30pm.  It was a long day.
Friday was more of the same.

Food/weight for Thursday:
Weight: 229
Pro: 115
Ecc: 36
Fat: 132
Cal: 1977

Friday I took one of the auditors out for sushi for lunch.  Not something I normally eat because of the carbs, but I tried to eliminate most of my other normal carbs in a day.
Food/weight for Friday:
Weight: 229
Pro: 122
Ecc: 58
Fat: 114
Cal: 1793 

I have planned my meals for today.  I have a full day of meetings, which is why it's so important for me to plan my meals!!
Breakfast:  3eggs with cheese, 1 clementines, turkey sausage
Lunch:  Unwich from Jimmy Johns (Club Lulu with extra turkey) and a pickle
Supper:  8oz steak, salad with feta, almonds, balsamic dressing
snacks will be iced coffee, 2 cream cheese clouds, and 1oz mixed nuts

Weight: 226.5
Pro: 143
Ecc: 38
Fat: 175
Cal: 2554 (hm...that's a lot, I will try to cut some back)

Hope you all have a great day!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Alfredo lasagna

I made what I call "Alfredo Lasagna" for lunches this week.
It's so good it makes me happy!

7oz Dreamfields lasagna noodles
1 can mushrooms
20oz chopped cooked chicken breasts
1 jar Ragu cheese Alfredo sauce
3 cups mozzarella cheese
sprinkle Parmesan cheese

Put 1/2 noodles down as the bottom layer, then cover with 1/2 the mushrooms, mozz cheese, and Alfredo.  Then make a second layer using the rest of the noodles, and the rest of the mushrooms, and Alfredo sauce.
Before the final cheese topping, sprinkle with about 1/3 cup water (to help cook the noodles).
Add rest of mozz then sprinkle with parm.
Bake at 350 for about 30-40minutes.

I cut it into six servings and can be stored in the freezer.
I thaw it in the fridge at work, then put it in the microwave for about 45seconds.
Then I put it in a ramekin and twice-bake it in the oven (350 for about 15 minutes).
It's so yummy!  It makes me happy!

Weight: 229
Pro: 142
Ecc: 26
Fat: 142
Cal: 2107

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Feed a cold, right?

I am an addict.  And when I am sick, I want to eat.
Eat to coat a sore throat.
Eat to clear a stuffed nose.
Eat to calm a crazy stomach.
Eat to block a cough.

All silly crazy ADDICT thinking...I know.

I have a cold.  Well, I have half a cold (it's only in one sinus).
So I want to do things like drink orange juice, and sip soup, and eat crackers (with butter).

But none of those items are part of my food plan, therefore they are not going to be eaten (or drank) by me.  Not today.  And today is the only day I have to think about.

I will follow my plan, and drink lots of no calorie fluids.  Change my addict behave from FEED a cold to FLOOD a cold!

Weight: 228.5
Pro: 133
Ecc: 45
Fat: 157
Cal: 2260

Monday, January 2, 2012

Sneezing and eating

I am fighting a cold.  It seems one sinus is trying to plug.  Just one.  The other is fine and clear. 
The crabby sinus has that "I'm about to sneeze" feeling ALL. THE. TIME! 
A bit annoying...

But today I wanted to tell you what I've been eating for breakfast.
Tuna melts!! 

I take 2oz of shredded cheese - the most natural has the least amount of carbs.
Sprinkle it in a small frying pan.
Melt it on med-low heat.
Let it bubble throughout and cook down until it gets darker.
I turn off the heat and lightly tilt it to wipe off some of the excess cheese grease.
Let it cool and put it on a plate.  If it doesn't pick up easily it isn't cooked enough, fry it some more.
Cover it with the mix of one can tuna (with 2Tbsp mayo and chopped celery).
Cut with a pizza cutter, or pick up and eat. 

For lunch I'm having a strawberry, ricotta, protein powder shake.
For supper I'm having a steak and Claussen dills.
At some point today I will have 2 cream cheese clouds and with supper I'll have a glass of wine.

Totals for today:

Weight:   228.5
Pro:  125
Ecc:  43
Fat:  128
Cal:  2064

It's the last day of the three day weekend, and I'm looking forward to doing almost nothing!  Watch movies.  Boil eggs for breakfast.  Go to the gym.  Yep, that's it.  Three things on my plate, and nothing else.  Ahhhhhh.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Ringing in the New Year

I crawled into bed at 11:50pm last night.  That's right, I'm a party animal.

I did actually go out last night.  We went to a concert at a casino.  We spent 45minutes gambling (I'm not much of a gambler) then to the steakhouse for supper, then to the concert.  We talked about going out dancing afterward, but we were hit with a wet sloppy snow and ice storm, so we all just went home.
It was a great night overall.

I followed my food plan yesterday with a few less items.  I didn't have any wine, and didn't have as many cream cheese clouds as I thought I would.  And I was rewarded this morning with another pound missing from my body!

Today I sat down and planned my food, and so far I have followed it.  We are heading out now for a few drinks, then to the movies.  I will NOT have popcorn.  I'm not worried about wanting popcorn, but sometimes when the smell hits me, I do desire it.  I can have popcorn, but I haven't planned for it today, so I won't have any for today.

12/31/11 - weight: 228.5
                 Protein:   124
                       Fat:    139
                      Ecc:       33
                      Cal:   1976