Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Food addiction and illness

I went to bed at 7:30 on Sunday and woke Monday with a fever of 100.  I don't exactly know what is wrong with me (I'm coughing but nothing major) but I cannot seem to shake this fever.

Here is the problem.  My history is that I EAT when I'm sick.  There is no 'starve a cold, feed a fever' or vise versa.    It's feed a cold, feed a fever, feed a bruise, feed a bump, feed a cut, feed a sniffle, etc.

When I wanted a good binge I use to call into work "sick" so I could eat all day.  Or if I was actually sick I would still be able to put on clothes enough to run to the store to buy soup plus a million other things I didn't need like boxes of crackers and pounds of butter.  Because when you eat a healthy can of soup, you need ROWS of saltines covered in butter to go with it, right???!!!


But this time I'm on plan.  So...is it different?

I made my food plan right away on Monday morning.  And I was able to stick to it!  And that is really saying something because I was hungry ALL DAY LONG!!  Actual stomach growling hunger!  I did add a second helping of sunflower seeds but not before checking my numbers to make sure it didn't put me over the edge (and it did not) but otherwise I only ate what was planned.


Now today I'm at work.  I still have a fever but with Tylenol it's below 100.  However I'm still fighting hunger.  But it doesn't matter because I have a plan and I'm going to stick to it! 

There is no amount of WANTING to eat that is going to destroy my abstinence for today.  My desire to maintain my abstinence and therefore keep my peace and serenity is so much stronger.  With my Higher Power's help I can DO this.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Drop it like it's hawt!

My stall is over!!
I have final broken below the 220s with my weight! 

I. Am. Giddy.

I haven't weighed this amount in many years.  Maybe 5?   Five years of whining about my increase in weight.  Five years about my fear of my body ballooning all the way back up to my highest weight (320).  Five years of eating and eating and eating.

I know I have to keep on keeping on in order for the weight to continue to fall, but I don't feel fatalistic about the idea of keeping on?!  Being accountable to another person about the food/caloric drinks that go into my mouth has been a life saving event.  I know it sounds hard and it sounds scary, and maybe it was at first.  But I am reaping the rewards which makes all the hard and scary that "my will" keeps carrying on about seem silly and exhausting.

To think that the simple act of planning my meals, and sending the plans to another person has helped me lose 27 pounds???  That's amazing.  Absolutely amazing.

Thanks God for Overeater Anonymous, the program that introduced me to methods I didn't want to try but that actually work.