Tuesday, April 28, 2015

What to do when things are working so well??

I'm sorry I've been so quiet lately...but weirdly, things are working so well I'm struggling finding things to talk about??

I am down 38 pounds from my high in July 2014!  I have roughly 43 to go.  If I hit my current goal, it will be a total of 155lbs lost.

My clothes are getting too big to continue to belt.  My skirts are falling off.  I've had to get rid of half my jeans.  My new-last-year summer shirts have been given away because they are so sloppy.  But please understand, I am NOT complaining about it ONE BIT!  I am celebrating.

This weekend I'm going into my "skinny clothes bins" for hopefully the last time to see what else fits.  I am hoping my last two jeans fit so I have more than three pairs rotating through.  Also, I'm going to have to break down and go shopping.

Actually, I hate spending money, especially on clothes. I have yo-yo'd for so many years that I see buying clothes as a waste of money.  When you are a different size all the time (whether going up the scale or down) your clothes never wear out but you cannot wear them anymore.  Annoying for a frugalist like me!!

I have felt so very free with food lately.  What does that mean?  I plan it in advance and I don't have to think about it again. There is never that "I'm so hungry I cannot even think straight so I'll grab the first fast thing I can" issues. I don't let my food addict decide I am hungrier than I thought and inhale food until I feel miserable then suffer for hours.  I don't sit around grazing all night long on crap that goes right to my hips and thighs.
I eat healthy and I eat correct amounts, and I don't feel hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.  Wow. 

So, that's why I've been quiet.  But I will come up with some topics and get back to writing.

Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Death by food

Yes, people really do die because of food.  And I'm not talking about choking.

A good friend of mine introduced me to a friend of hers about a month ago.  Honestly he was the biggest person I'd ever met face to face, and being in OA I've met some big people.
His story was that he was a thin man until his mother died, then he filled her void by eating.  And when his father died, he filled that void with eating as well. 

Recently he was moved into a nursing home because he lived alone and couldn't walk anymore.  My friend went to visit him a couple days ago and said he looked and sounded great, was doing really great.

That night he died.  When they left he ate an entire pizza and, ultimately, it killed him. 

Hard to imagine that people can eat because of food, right?  I have eaten until I was so full it hurts to move, or to sit up, and I have even eaten until it hurts to breathe.  But it's true, we can eat until our bodies just give out and cannot take another bite.  Whether it's our hearts, stomach, lungs, veins, etc, something gets to the point where it just cannot function anymore and we die.

I don't want to die because of food. There was a time in my life when I was over 300lbs and lived alone that I wanted to die, but even then I didn't want it to be because of food (of course at the time I thought that people didn't KNOW I had issues with food *snicker*, ah the games we play in our minds).

I am so very grateful for my Overeaters Anonymous program.  I am grateful for friends and family that understand my disease.  I'm grateful for a higher power that guides me when I am struggling.  I'm grateful for food, and extremely grateful that it doesn't run my life anymore.
The pack order has switched.  It use to be
Everything else

Now it's
Higher Power
Everything I love
Everything I don't love

Still in the pack order as it is a big part of my life, but it's at the bottom. It's there because I need it, not because it has any power over me. 
So grateful.