Two Great Things

Hello everyone!  I apologize for being so quiet as of late.  It's not that I haven't wanted to check in, I have just been busy enjoying spring.

I set a goal in late March to take the dog and visit all the state parks within 2 hours of my home of which there are TWENTY-FIVE!    Since I made this goal I have visited four.  And I'm loving it!
It's beautiful watching the parks "green up".  It's not very wet here so the trails are dry and it's still can be chilly so there are not many people, which gives the dog and I the sense that we are out in nature alone.  And anytime I feel alone in nature is when I feel most connected to my Higher Power.
Nice.

But I know I could only be doing these hikes because I have found a deeper abstinence which is helping me shed my excess pounds.  And those shed pounds are giving me energy, stamina, and strength to go up and down bluffs along the river, to go five miles at a time, and to catch myself smiling while doing it!  What a great thing!

But I did title this TWO great things didn't I.

The other great thing...When I started regaining weight, I put all the clothes that didn't fit in a big tub.  About a month ago I went through it and tried some things on and about 1/3 of the tub mostly fit but I only took out about five items but that's all that really fit me.
But last night I got out the tub again and tried everything on and EVERY SINGLE ITEM FIT ME!!  Holy crap?!  Approximately 6 pants, 6 jeans, five skirts, about 15 shirts, and 7 dresses!  And 80% of the items are summer-wear which means I have CLOTHES that FIT again!  And I didn't have to go SHOPPING (I loathe shopping).
The clothes are timeless in the fashion sense, are cute, and show off my new figure!  What a great thing to happen at the end a week that was kind of crazy and stressful. 

What's that you ask?  I mentioned a new figure but didn't talk about it??

Well, I don't exactly know how much I've lost because I made a deal with my sponsor to stop weighing for a couple weeks.  But in October I was wearing 18W and barely wearing those.  But everything in the box was either an XL, or a misses 16 or 14!!!!  I cannot believe it!  I knew I had lost weight but since I didn't shop for new clothes I didn't understand the extend of what I'd lost.  So the jump from the "W" to a "misses" means I'm losing my hip and thigh girth, and then to drop two sizes??  Nice!

So that's what's up with me. 

I'd love to hear what's up with you??? 

What to do when things are working so well??

I'm sorry I've been so quiet lately...but weirdly, things are working so well I'm struggling finding things to talk about??

I am down 38 pounds from my high in July 2014!  I have roughly 43 to go.  If I hit my current goal, it will be a total of 155lbs lost.

My clothes are getting too big to continue to belt.  My skirts are falling off.  I've had to get rid of half my jeans.  My new-last-year summer shirts have been given away because they are so sloppy.  But please understand, I am NOT complaining about it ONE BIT!  I am celebrating.

This weekend I'm going into my "skinny clothes bins" for hopefully the last time to see what else fits.  I am hoping my last two jeans fit so I have more than three pairs rotating through.  Also, I'm going to have to break down and go shopping.
I.Hate.Shopping.

Actually, I hate spending money, especially on clothes. I have yo-yo'd for so many years that I see buying clothes as a waste of money.  When you are a different size all the time (whether going up the scale or down) your clothes never wear out but you cannot wear them anymore.  Annoying for a frugalist like me!!

I have felt so very free with food lately.  What does that mean?  I plan it in advance and I don't have to think about it again. There is never that "I'm so hungry I cannot even think straight so I'll grab the first fast thing I can" issues. I don't let my food addict decide I am hungrier than I thought and inhale food until I feel miserable then suffer for hours.  I don't sit around grazing all night long on crap that goes right to my hips and thighs.
I eat healthy and I eat correct amounts, and I don't feel hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.  Wow. 

So, that's why I've been quiet.  But I will come up with some topics and get back to writing.

Thanks for reading!

Survived the Illness!!

Well I SURVIVED!

I had influenza that had me on the couch for five days with a fever and body aches, then a massive cold set in so over the next 8 days I lost my voice, couldn't breathe, couldn't stop coughing, and couldn't get enough sleep!

But through it all I planned and recorded my food and stuck to my plan.  No lame excuses allowing foods that are not acceptable, no voice in my head justifying going off plan, NOTHING! 

As much as the illness sucked, it was one of the best illnesses I've ever had! 

Also, I have now lost 30 pounds.  THIRTY POUNDS!!  Back when I first lost my 120lbs of weight there was a 10lb range that I hung out at, and I am currently at the high of that 10lb range.  I cannot remember the last time I have been here.  Such a relief.  And to have gotten here without much more work other than planning my meals within certain guidelines, and committing that food to another person, and sticking to my plan.  It has been that simple. 

I'm so grateful that I have done my step work so I don't have all the mental games going on while sticking to this plan.  I'm grateful for my experience with the 12 steps of Overeaters Anonymous.  I'm grateful I have cleaned up my side of the street and don't have historical crap clouding my judgment.  I'm grateful for my food sponsor that hears my food each day.  And I'm grateful for other compulsive overeaters so that we never have to do this alone.

I hope that anyone reading this blog has found a plan that works for them, whatever the plan since I believe there is not one plan for everyone.  And I hope that you have as much serenity while following your plan as I have with mine.

Drop it like it's hawt!

My stall is over!!
I have final broken below the 220s with my weight! 

I. Am. Giddy.

I haven't weighed this amount in many years.  Maybe 5?   Five years of whining about my increase in weight.  Five years about my fear of my body ballooning all the way back up to my highest weight (320).  Five years of eating and eating and eating.

I know I have to keep on keeping on in order for the weight to continue to fall, but I don't feel fatalistic about the idea of keeping on?!  Being accountable to another person about the food/caloric drinks that go into my mouth has been a life saving event.  I know it sounds hard and it sounds scary, and maybe it was at first.  But I am reaping the rewards which makes all the hard and scary that "my will" keeps carrying on about seem silly and exhausting.

To think that the simple act of planning my meals, and sending the plans to another person has helped me lose 27 pounds???  That's amazing.  Absolutely amazing.

Thanks God for Overeater Anonymous, the program that introduced me to methods I didn't want to try but that actually work.

Back....again

Wow, it's so hard to believe I haven't posted since April of 2013?! 
Guess I wanted to eat more than I wanted to blog INSTEAD OF EATING.

However I had a epiphany in November.  Something finally clicked for me.
After 16 years of fighting it, I finally have a food sponsor. 

Wow, sounds great right??  But what the heck does that mean?

It means I am accountable to another person for everything I eat. 
Every evening (or the next morning, depending on my schedule) I go to Myfitnesspal.com and report what I plan to eat that day, along with making any corrections to the previous day's food.
Then I can create a .pdf of the two days and I send it to my food sponsor.

It has been amazing.  I have lost 13lbs since 11/20.  That's right.  I lost weight over the holidays.
Unbelievable, but true!

I commit to blogging more each week and to telling you more about my life, all the ups and all the downs.

Is anyone still out there??

One? Just one??

I stepped on the scale for my month-end weigh in today. 

I know, it's not the end of the month, but I was starting to have crazy thoughts about starving myself today to get a better number tomorrow.

Nuh-uh.  Nope.  Not gonna do it!  I'm not letting those crazy thoughts win.

So instead I hopped on the scale today.  And voila!  One pound down!

I know.  You're thinking..."one pound in the entire month, whoop-di-doo"?

But I am HAPPY about it!
Why you ask??

I am abstinent which means I do not eat the foods that make me crazy anymore (not in 13 years).   However, I still do NOT naturally make good choices.  I have to work at it.
So I have a food sponsor that I report my food to everyday.  And that food sponsor has been a great guide to me in that it makes me look at my foodplan through someone else's eyes.  She doesn't judge my foodplan or try to direct my eating.  What she does is make me think about how my foods will look on paper KNOWING someone is actually looking at them.  And for me, it WORKS!

So, the fact that this is the second month in a row that I have not GAINED WEIGHT, and that now, total, I have lost six pounds by doing nothing more than thinking about how my food looks on paper before I put it into my mouth...I am giddy!!

ONE POUND!!  WOOHOOOOOO!!!

Boy how time flies!

I cannot believe I missed an entire month of posting?
Well, let me rephrase that.  I CAN believe it, but I'm not happy about it.

I have recovered from my friends passing...boy was that difficult.  I was really depressed and eating out of control!
BUT, once I recovered and the sadness lifted, my eating mostly righted itself...mostly.
Oh, that and I got a food sponsor.

What is a food sponsor you ask?
In my Overeaters Anonymous, my 12 step eating program, we sometimes have food sponsors.
I have a spreadsheet where I document what I ate, approximately when, how I felt about it, then I document any exercise, any program work, and and worries/thoughts I have at the end of the day.  And before I send todays food, I plan tomorrows.
It's fantastic!

And, since I started I have lost 5 lbs and KEPT it off!  THAT is HUGE for me!!

I find that because I had to admit everything I eat, I am more conscious of my fruits and vegetables, and how often I go out to eat, and what choices I'm making when I DO go out to eat.  Those are HUGE differences to my more lax eating habits!!

It's only been a month, and I told her I'd do it "for today" so we'll see how it progresses, but "for today", I'm am grateful for my food sponsor.