A good friend of mine introduced me to a friend of hers about a month ago. Honestly he was the biggest person I'd ever met face to face, and being in OA I've met some big people.
His story was that he was a thin man until his mother died, then he filled her void by eating. And when his father died, he filled that void with eating as well.
Recently he was moved into a nursing home because he lived alone and couldn't walk anymore. My friend went to visit him a couple days ago and said he looked and sounded great, was doing really great.
That night he died. When they left he ate an entire pizza and, ultimately, it killed him.
Hard to imagine that people can eat because of food, right? I have eaten until I was so full it hurts to move, or to sit up, and I have even eaten until it hurts to breathe. But it's true, we can eat until our bodies just give out and cannot take another bite. Whether it's our hearts, stomach, lungs, veins, etc, something gets to the point where it just cannot function anymore and we die.
I don't want to die because of food. There was a time in my life when I was over 300lbs and lived alone that I wanted to die, but even then I didn't want it to be because of food (of course at the time I thought that people didn't KNOW I had issues with food *snicker*, ah the games we play in our minds).
I am so very grateful for my Overeaters Anonymous program. I am grateful for friends and family that understand my disease. I'm grateful for a higher power that guides me when I am struggling. I'm grateful for food, and extremely grateful that it doesn't run my life anymore.
The pack order has switched. It use to be
Food
Everything else
Now it's
Higher Power
Everything I love
Everything I don't love
Food
Still in the pack order as it is a big part of my life, but it's at the bottom. It's there because I need it, not because it has any power over me.
So grateful.
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