I stepped on the scale for my month-end weigh in today.
I know, it's not the end of the month, but I was starting to have crazy thoughts about starving myself today to get a better number tomorrow.
Nuh-uh. Nope. Not gonna do it! I'm not letting those crazy thoughts win.
So instead I hopped on the scale today. And voila! One pound down!
I know. You're thinking..."one pound in the entire month, whoop-di-doo"?
But I am HAPPY about it!
Why you ask??
I am abstinent which means I do not eat the foods that make me crazy anymore (not in 13 years). However, I still do NOT naturally make good choices. I have to work at it.
So I have a food sponsor that I report my food to everyday. And that food sponsor has been a great guide to me in that it makes me look at my foodplan through someone else's eyes. She doesn't judge my foodplan or try to direct my eating. What she does is make me think about how my foods will look on paper KNOWING someone is actually looking at them. And for me, it WORKS!
So, the fact that this is the second month in a row that I have not GAINED WEIGHT, and that now, total, I have lost six pounds by doing nothing more than thinking about how my food looks on paper before I put it into my mouth...I am giddy!!
ONE POUND!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Guilt? Or rest?
We've had beautiful weather lately, and usually March is a hibernation month.
When I say beautiful, I mean 70-80 degrees with bright sun! VERY unusual for this part of the country.
So what's the problem??
I have guilt because I feel like I should be outside enjoying the weather. Walking, biking, yard work, etc.
However, my body is not ready yet - it wants to hibernate.
So I fight guilt, and I "should" myself.
You SHOULD be outside.
You SHOULD be starting some plants for the garden.
You SHOULD be walking around the lake
You SHOULD
You SHOULD
You SHOULD!
And shoulding is NOT a healthy activity.
I remind myself, these will not be the only sunny days. Although the weather says it's time, the ground is not ready for yard work. And if I want to hibernate for a while longer, the world will continue to spin.
Reversal of self-talk. Replacing "should" with "could", and allowing myself to have options, with all of them being acceptable.
How about you? Do you have to fight self-talk?
When I say beautiful, I mean 70-80 degrees with bright sun! VERY unusual for this part of the country.
So what's the problem??
I have guilt because I feel like I should be outside enjoying the weather. Walking, biking, yard work, etc.
However, my body is not ready yet - it wants to hibernate.
So I fight guilt, and I "should" myself.
You SHOULD be outside.
You SHOULD be starting some plants for the garden.
You SHOULD be walking around the lake
You SHOULD
You SHOULD
You SHOULD!
And shoulding is NOT a healthy activity.
I remind myself, these will not be the only sunny days. Although the weather says it's time, the ground is not ready for yard work. And if I want to hibernate for a while longer, the world will continue to spin.
Reversal of self-talk. Replacing "should" with "could", and allowing myself to have options, with all of them being acceptable.
How about you? Do you have to fight self-talk?
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Giving up or facing the truth
Last summer I had gained 20lbs and none of my summer shirts fit. My weight is still up there.
I bought 3 shirts and wore them (and a few older items I could stretch out) all summer long.
I. Was. Miserable.
I was not willing to face the fact that I had gained weight and I was feeling financial poor, so I suffered all summer and refused to buy clothes.
Well ta'heck with that!
I went shopping last night. I got a pair of capri's, a pair of jeans, and 10 shirts!!! TEN!! And I'm ordering another 6 tonight!
I'm a big-boned person and even at my thinnest, I still barely fit into an XL because I have massive shoulders. So, of course, now I do not fit into them at all!
So I had to shop plus sizes..which is why I refused to buy last year.
But it was so freeing!! And by that I mean it felt good to have things fit (or be too big). To feel like I have clothes to wear again. To feel like I'm not a great big blob of a human being and that all my clothes just accentuate that blubbery fact.
And yes, I did have all those feelings almost every day last year.
So, here it is. I wear a 1X. I look good in a 1X. It fits my shoulders and you cannot see all my back bra lines and "bumps" surrounding them (I hate that on me-ick).
This weekend I'm cleaning out my closets and drawers. I'm going to pack away all the clothes that do not fit me...and if by NEXT summer they still do not fit, I will not even open the containers, I will just give them away.
I am done torturing myself with a closet full of clothes that don't fit (or I'm even afraid to try on). It is not worth it...but I am!
I bought 3 shirts and wore them (and a few older items I could stretch out) all summer long.
I. Was. Miserable.
I was not willing to face the fact that I had gained weight and I was feeling financial poor, so I suffered all summer and refused to buy clothes.
Well ta'heck with that!
I went shopping last night. I got a pair of capri's, a pair of jeans, and 10 shirts!!! TEN!! And I'm ordering another 6 tonight!
I'm a big-boned person and even at my thinnest, I still barely fit into an XL because I have massive shoulders. So, of course, now I do not fit into them at all!
So I had to shop plus sizes..which is why I refused to buy last year.
But it was so freeing!! And by that I mean it felt good to have things fit (or be too big). To feel like I have clothes to wear again. To feel like I'm not a great big blob of a human being and that all my clothes just accentuate that blubbery fact.
And yes, I did have all those feelings almost every day last year.
So, here it is. I wear a 1X. I look good in a 1X. It fits my shoulders and you cannot see all my back bra lines and "bumps" surrounding them (I hate that on me-ick).
This weekend I'm cleaning out my closets and drawers. I'm going to pack away all the clothes that do not fit me...and if by NEXT summer they still do not fit, I will not even open the containers, I will just give them away.
I am done torturing myself with a closet full of clothes that don't fit (or I'm even afraid to try on). It is not worth it...but I am!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Boy how time flies!
I cannot believe I missed an entire month of posting?
Well, let me rephrase that. I CAN believe it, but I'm not happy about it.
I have recovered from my friends passing...boy was that difficult. I was really depressed and eating out of control!
BUT, once I recovered and the sadness lifted, my eating mostly righted itself...mostly.
Oh, that and I got a food sponsor.
What is a food sponsor you ask?
In my Overeaters Anonymous, my 12 step eating program, we sometimes have food sponsors.
I have a spreadsheet where I document what I ate, approximately when, how I felt about it, then I document any exercise, any program work, and and worries/thoughts I have at the end of the day. And before I send todays food, I plan tomorrows.
It's fantastic!
And, since I started I have lost 5 lbs and KEPT it off! THAT is HUGE for me!!
I find that because I had to admit everything I eat, I am more conscious of my fruits and vegetables, and how often I go out to eat, and what choices I'm making when I DO go out to eat. Those are HUGE differences to my more lax eating habits!!
It's only been a month, and I told her I'd do it "for today" so we'll see how it progresses, but "for today", I'm am grateful for my food sponsor.
Well, let me rephrase that. I CAN believe it, but I'm not happy about it.
I have recovered from my friends passing...boy was that difficult. I was really depressed and eating out of control!
BUT, once I recovered and the sadness lifted, my eating mostly righted itself...mostly.
Oh, that and I got a food sponsor.
What is a food sponsor you ask?
In my Overeaters Anonymous, my 12 step eating program, we sometimes have food sponsors.
I have a spreadsheet where I document what I ate, approximately when, how I felt about it, then I document any exercise, any program work, and and worries/thoughts I have at the end of the day. And before I send todays food, I plan tomorrows.
It's fantastic!
And, since I started I have lost 5 lbs and KEPT it off! THAT is HUGE for me!!
I find that because I had to admit everything I eat, I am more conscious of my fruits and vegetables, and how often I go out to eat, and what choices I'm making when I DO go out to eat. Those are HUGE differences to my more lax eating habits!!
It's only been a month, and I told her I'd do it "for today" so we'll see how it progresses, but "for today", I'm am grateful for my food sponsor.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sadness...
I am sitting at work today, and get a call that a very good friend of mine suddenly passed away last night.
Talk about a shock!
And what is the first thing my addict mind does once the tears dry a little? Think about what type and amount of food will soothe my aching heart.
Talk about a second shock!
I have a plan today...my meals have been precooked and are just waiting for me to warm and eat. And it's food I LIKE and look forward to eating!
And eating random fast and easy and greasy food will not make me feel better or bring her back.
Stick to the plan Amy, that's why you make a plan.
Talk about a shock!
And what is the first thing my addict mind does once the tears dry a little? Think about what type and amount of food will soothe my aching heart.
Talk about a second shock!
I have a plan today...my meals have been precooked and are just waiting for me to warm and eat. And it's food I LIKE and look forward to eating!
And eating random fast and easy and greasy food will not make me feel better or bring her back.
Stick to the plan Amy, that's why you make a plan.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Sunday - the day of prep
Today is Sunday.
This is the day I plan my food for the week, make my grocery list, shop, then cook.
This week I'll have my usual breakfast at 7:30am which is two Johnsonville turkey sausages with spicy mustard rolled up in a flatout wrap and broiled to toasty, and 2 hard boiled eggs.
I'll have a snack around 10:30, which will be an orange.
For lunch around 12:30 I'm having Atkins Chili Blanco with sour cream and cheese, and three celery stalks on the side.
Iced espresso with 1/2 -1/2 around 2pm.
For supper, around 5:30, I'll have a shake which is 3oz strawberries, 3oz ricotta cheese, whey protein worth 30g of protein, and crystal light for flavor and ice for thickening.
Total counts are:
Pro: 128
Ecc: 45
Fat: 96
Cal: 1600
Gotta go shopping and cook now.
Hope you all have a good day!
This is the day I plan my food for the week, make my grocery list, shop, then cook.
This week I'll have my usual breakfast at 7:30am which is two Johnsonville turkey sausages with spicy mustard rolled up in a flatout wrap and broiled to toasty, and 2 hard boiled eggs.
I'll have a snack around 10:30, which will be an orange.
For lunch around 12:30 I'm having Atkins Chili Blanco with sour cream and cheese, and three celery stalks on the side.
Iced espresso with 1/2 -1/2 around 2pm.
For supper, around 5:30, I'll have a shake which is 3oz strawberries, 3oz ricotta cheese, whey protein worth 30g of protein, and crystal light for flavor and ice for thickening.
Total counts are:
Pro: 128
Ecc: 45
Fat: 96
Cal: 1600
Gotta go shopping and cook now.
Hope you all have a good day!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Free is sometimes more costly than paying...
We got very tired and lazy last night, so we ordered Chinese food. My partner calls it "heaping, steaming, cheap Chinese chow".
So I was ordering her regular items, but knew I would be ordering low carb for me so I ordered beef and broccoli. But before I realized it, I ordered my cream cheese wontons! I didn't even realize it until I hung up the phone. But did I call and cancel the item? No.
And...the worst thing of all? We'd met some limit and so they included free egg rolls. Darn it!
So, I ate wontons and egg rolls for supper, and to end my meal I had about 1/3 of my beef and broccoli. I am almost incapable of letting go FREE food.
sigh....
I had planned a burger and salad because we were going out to a bar.
We were so tired from our vacation, and we haven't been to a grocery store for about two weeks because of our trip. And we were too tired to go to the bar or any restaurant.
Free....not so freeing.
But I'm going to remedy the "no food in the house issue"! I'm going to the store first thing tomorrow morning!
Weight: 229
Pro: 97
Ecc: 70
Fat: 105
Cal: 1657
My counts are very off, and most had to be estimated.
I don't normally eat Clif bars, but I was in a hurry and no access to anything without bread, so my carbs are very high, and my protein/cals are low.
Meals were as such:
Breakfast, 2/3 an order of beef and broccoli, no rice
snack: clif bar
Late lunch: tuna melt (tuna salad on fried cheese)
Supper: tuna salad, wine
I don't normally eat tuna twice, I don't normally eat clif bars, I don't normally need a snack because my meal will be so late...so it's an abnormal day. I'll be back on schedule tomorrow. Planning, preparing, things I need will be on hand. I hate this "figure itout on the go" crap.
Hope your day went smoother!
So I was ordering her regular items, but knew I would be ordering low carb for me so I ordered beef and broccoli. But before I realized it, I ordered my cream cheese wontons! I didn't even realize it until I hung up the phone. But did I call and cancel the item? No.
And...the worst thing of all? We'd met some limit and so they included free egg rolls. Darn it!
So, I ate wontons and egg rolls for supper, and to end my meal I had about 1/3 of my beef and broccoli. I am almost incapable of letting go FREE food.
sigh....
I had planned a burger and salad because we were going out to a bar.
We were so tired from our vacation, and we haven't been to a grocery store for about two weeks because of our trip. And we were too tired to go to the bar or any restaurant.
Free....not so freeing.
But I'm going to remedy the "no food in the house issue"! I'm going to the store first thing tomorrow morning!
Weight: 229
Pro: 97
Ecc: 70
Fat: 105
Cal: 1657
My counts are very off, and most had to be estimated.
I don't normally eat Clif bars, but I was in a hurry and no access to anything without bread, so my carbs are very high, and my protein/cals are low.
Meals were as such:
Breakfast, 2/3 an order of beef and broccoli, no rice
snack: clif bar
Late lunch: tuna melt (tuna salad on fried cheese)
Supper: tuna salad, wine
I don't normally eat tuna twice, I don't normally eat clif bars, I don't normally need a snack because my meal will be so late...so it's an abnormal day. I'll be back on schedule tomorrow. Planning, preparing, things I need will be on hand. I hate this "figure itout on the go" crap.
Hope your day went smoother!
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